White Walls/All of the Lights

It's a strange, almost eerie feeling to visit the near ruins of a housing project high rise at dusk. Fans still spin in the very topmost apartments. A satellite TV dish hangs from one window. Graffiti screams "I NEED MONEY" from one of the interior walls made visible after the first day of demolition. LED Lights in each apartment blink off and on, almost like a laser light show.

Yes, LED lights. The last standing high rise of the infamous Cabrini-Green housing project has been reclaimed as art for its last weeks standing. These lights will continue blinking from dusk to dawn until demolition is complete, one fading each time an apartment is lost to the wrecking ball. Actually standing there, right on Halsted, the effect  made the building seem alive. Visit projectcabrinigreen.org to see the continuation of the art, an interactive piece where one can listen to poems and stories of actual Cabrini-Green residents. The blinking lights are actually set to the vibration of their voices reading their stories.

My community visited this site last night after our Community Night featuring Brad Hunt, a professor at Roosevelt University and author of Blueprint for Disaster: The Unraveling of Chicago Public Housing. He explained to us a short history of public housing in Chicago, how it was meant to clear slums but as a result of many factors (racism, ineffective policy, site location, design, youth density) became a black mark for the Chicago Housing Authority, one that they are currently attempting to erase by demolishing practically every high rise ever built in the city, regardless of the need to do this.

This event is relevant for us MercyWorkers not only because we are living in Chicago, and the housing projects are very much connected to Chicago's past, present and future, but also because of the population we work with. I personally have one youth in program who used to live in Cabrini-Green, but now lives in the new mixed income housing only blocks from the current demolition site. To some the closing and tearing down of Cabrini-Green is just the razing of some super ugly buildings, getting rid of the places where a lot of shitty things happened, but to him this is the destruction of home, of his community, the place where generations of his family grew up.

There is a lot of debate and emotion at play with the whole public housing situation, but regardless of where people stand and what they think of it all, everyone recognizes this as an end of something, and most, accepting that this is happening, only want to make sure it is remembered and documented for future Chicagoans. Hence this light show art installment, plus many other documentaries, class projects, photo journals, newspaper articles, and perhaps the most important thing to come of this, the National Public Housing Museum. Still in its infancy, the museum hopes to preserve the entire history of public housing--the good and the bad--for the entire nation. I hope I'm still in the city once it opens in its new location, only several blocks from my apartment.

Until then, I'll be reading up on my history. (Chicago ain't no Rome, but it'll do.)

Wednesday Videos

Nothing much new here, just a couple of TED talks I thought you might enjoy.

A simple life lesson:
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/mark_bezos_a_life_lesson_from_a_volunteer_firefighter.html

Hans Rosling is a genius:

http://www.ted.com/talks/hans_rosling_reveals_new_insights_on_poverty.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/hans_rosling_at_state.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/hans_rosling_at_state.html

Enjoy your Wednesday!

Too Many Options?

The craziness continues! Tuesday morning I was up with the garbage truck. The Daley Home staff team left nice and early for our retreat at Camp Dewan in Burlington, WI. Eight of us fit into Big Goldie, one of the 11-passenger vans we have here and set out. It was a good time to get away from program and connect with each other outside of work.

The strange part was being back at Camp Dewan, without the rest of my MercyWorkers. I saw the poem we wrote for them when we were there in the fall, and all of our favorite hang outs (the fireplace in the lodge, the loft full of dead flies). Such a weird feeling being in such a familiar place with different people.

By Wednesday afternoon, when we were getting ready to head back to Chicago, it wasn't so weird--I really felt like I got to know my coworkers better. Back at Mercy, I went straight to Community Night, which was a transition event for Chicago area volunteers.

This event may have been more beneficial to me if I wasn't so tired from retreat and just wanting a shower and a nap. Honestly, it was absolutely overwhelming. This year was supposed to help me figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life and I'm only becoming more and more confused. I've come to realize just how many opportunities are out there and I want to do so much, I just don't know in what order or how or when.

So......instead I think I'll download some music, rearrange my room, read some books, and cook some comfort food. Standard operating procedure for me.

It's about time, Spring

Spring is finally here! And this first week of it is going to be a wild ride. It all started this weekend with our Quarterly Liturgy & Brunch--every three months there is a mass at the chapel here for past and present MercyWorkers and friends of MercyWorks. Afterwards everyone comes up to our apartment for food prepared by us.

Saturday after work and yoga we deep cleaned (Q Lit is a convenient excuse to get your chore done) and prepped for Sunday. Sunday morning I went to the chapel early for music practice, since I volunteered to play piano for it. As soon as the last song was finished, I jetted back to the apartment to start making pancakes. I had already mixed the batter, so it was a simple matter of helping Britney man the griddle. Kevin made potatoes and eggs, Kate made muffins, and Diego made bacon, so we had plenty of food, even with several extra volunteers from the University of Scranton, who are staying here this week while on a service trip. As that wrapped up, I was off to work, where I cooked more breakfast--this time for the guys' dinner. They made fun of my "brinner," but then scarfed it down.

I have a mini refresher training today, so I'm going into work for several hours (I made a bargain, going in on my day off means I now have Friday off this week), but before then, I have visitors! Ariel, who now lives in her very own apartment (that I still need to see) and her bf Geoff (who I still need to meet) are on their way here as I type. I'll show them around a bit before work, then send them out to explore the city. Luckily it's supposed to be beautiful out.

With all of these activities, it's been a challenge to incorporate the simple living challenge of the week, but it is one I would suggest to all of you. Go to footprintnetwork.org and find the link to calculate your own footprint. Take the quiz with the more accurate answers and see how many earths it would take if everyone lived your lifestyle. My lifestyle needs 3.5 earths to be sustainable, so something's got to change. Consuming food with the least amount of packaging as possible, and from local markets, is one way to help. I'm already a vegetarian, so that helps a lot. Recycling, driving less, walking more...all of those earth-friendly things I'm such a fan of...I plan on taking the quiz again later to see if my life is any more sustainable.

Until then, time to turn in petty cash receipts!

Green Egg Rolls?

This week the Misfits & Bandits learned that Chinatown does not celebrate St. Patrick's Day.

I started off the day Kate on our one-on one, a walk to the library to drop off books, then up and down Taylor Street until we found a small Greek place with falafel sandwiches. I've really grown to love falafel, even if everytime I eat it I think "Falafel, Faloofah" and can't take the food seriously.

Then Kate, Cookiie, Britney & I headed back out to explore Chinatown. It was such a beautiful day, which made it the perfect day to just wander around the few blocks that comprise the bulk of Chinatown--the pedestrian mall and several streets lined with Chinese bakeries, trinket shops, and food places.

No where, though, did we see people wearing green (except several white people). Makes sense--I don't even really celebrate St. Patrick's Day. The most my roommates got me to do was wear my Shamrocks for Kids pin on my shirt.

The best parts of our adventure where recognizing the Chicago Fire Department building featured in a recent episode of The Chicago Code and getting a man with a long beard to take our picture. When Cookiie told him she liked his beard, he said that he had been growing it for 25 years and that he met Jackie Chan once and he had pulled on it. Classic.

Happy Pi Day!

Today is March 14, or 3.14, aka pi (π). And to celebrate, Jillian and I found a 24-hour diner and ordered two slices of coconut cream pie with decaf coffee. Yum. I love pi(e) day.

The Golden Apple Diner is like pretty much any other diner you've been to--Formica tables in faded cream blue, fake plants hanging from the ceiling, plastic laminated menus, even that refrigerated spinning dessert case. What a perfect place to order some pie, talk about life's quandaries, and enjoy another's company.

Chicago Goes Green

On this Saturday morning in March, loads of people are heading downtown to partake in Irish libations. St. Patrick's Day isn't until later this week, but in Chicago the celebrations have begun. The lights on the downtown buildings have been green for about a week now, and Shamrock Shakes are in abundance at every Golden Arches. Today is the big event, with Mercy's spring fundraiser, Shamrocks for Kids. People have been selling shamrock pins out on the streets to raise money and awareness and there is a party after the parade at the Hilton downtown with food, music and games. Today is also the major hoopla of the parade and dying of the Chicago River.

The river dying is such a strange tradition, but apparently it's magical the way the dye starts orange and changes to green. And according to everything I've read, the dye is environmentally safe. Not that you can really make the Chicago River any more dirty or polluted than it already is.

I've never been a huge St. Patrick's Day fan (ie, I've never actually celebrated it besides Shamrock Shakes and I hate that stupid rule about pinching people for not wearing green.), but here I think I may buy in to all the festivities and at least go check out the river later. My community also has another Saturday Family Dinner planned for tonight--it's been awhile since we had an informal gathering and we love any excuse to throw a party, even if the majority of us are no where near Irish.

1. Make a List

Stephanie had an interesting idea for one way to participate in Lent. She writes a list of 40 things she wants to do during the season, then picks one each day. It appeals to me for several reasons: I love lists, I love doing one thing every day, I get to write the list and choose the order in which I do the things... Plus, it's Lent-y: simple, makes you slow down and (hopefully) think about why you do what you do.

Unfortunately, I love crossing things off lists more than I like making them, so I've literally done 15 of the things I began writing last night. Some of them (most of them) are repeatable, like Wake Up Smiling or Go For A Walk (NOTE: I didn't cross off that first one this morning...there's still time), so I can always keep those on my list.

Katie and Liz also gave us a 40-day reflection with short writings by spiritual/social justice-minded people. Today's, from Joyce Rupp, is to Focus on One Thing Only. This is best accomplished through some sort of meditation, or cultivating a conscious state of focus. Which means I'm off to light a candle and stare at it.

Ashy

It's what my guys say when their skin is dry and they need lotion. It's also how my forehead looked earlier this evening. My community went to an Ash Wednesday service at Old St. Mary's on Michigan tonight, and then came back to our apartment for a short reflection on Lent.

I never questioned the ashes growing up. For some reason, Fr. Malik's explanation always made sense to me, and I liked how they felt on my forehead. I think it would do a lot of people a lot of good to remember they are dust, and to dust they will return. That's still a solid part of Ash Wednesday for me--remembering we're just breathing dirt. Takes the pressure off.

Recently, I've wondered how I felt about leaving the ashes on, especially when returning to the non-Lenten-focused world. Is it better to leave them on and declare to the world that you are a) Catholic, b) breathing dirt, and/or c) unconcerned about how ridiculous you look, or should you wipe them off so as to not call attention to yourself, ie, look at me, I'm such a great churchy person? The ash cross can be pretty humbling, but then again, the message on Ash Wednesday always includes the part about praying alone, giving alms in private, and not blowing a trumpet anytime you do something holy.

We got back in our vans and drove straight back to our apartments after the service tonight, so I didn't really have to think about that this year. My community has seen me look/act far more ridiculous than any ashy smudge, and when we all had one, it suddenly didn't look so strange. It was more like a symbol we all decided to wear, like how politicians all wear those flag pins. And maybe that was the best part of this year's Ash Wednesday--having a group of people to be ashy with.

Is that supposed to be a fat joke?

It's Fat Tuesday AND International Women's Day today. Mere coincidence, but the juxtaposition of the two is a little strange. One is about eating, dancing, and overturning social conventions before a period of fasting and sacrifice, and the other encourages political and social awareness of women's rights and their struggles to gain them. How does one celebrate both on the same day?

I know how many women in New Orleans choose to celebrate (men too, I guess)--does their exposure bring awareness to just how far women have come (yay, we can take off our shirts and people will give us beads) and at the same time overindulge? Maybe, considering all the countries where such exposure would warrant arrests and/or execution. Maybe not, considering the box women risk placing themselves in if such exposure only reinforces gender stereotypes.

Happy Casimir Pulaski Day!

Who is Casimir Pulaski, you say? Good question.

He's a Polish guy who fought in the Revolutionary War as a cavalry man. He's known as "the father of American cavalry," I think mostly because he saved George Washington's life. In 2009, he was granted honorary American citizenship, which I guess is cool except he'd already been dead 230 years.

There isn't much else to say about the man, besides he loves freedom. And yet all Chicago Public Schools are closed today, as are Chicago Public Libraries and a plethora of other city and county offices. In honor of Casimir Pulaski Day. The Polish population here has pretty big pull.

Los Bulls

Today during the Bulls v. Heat game I noticed the jerseys with "Los Bulls" and "El Heat" instead of the regular "Bulls" and "Heat." My coworker told me they do this for NBA's Noche Latina. We both wondered why they didn't take it all the way, and put "Los Toros" on the jerseys. Or, for that matter, why they didn't just put "Toros." The regular ones don't say "The Bulls."

A quick google search let me know I wasn't the first to wonder this, or the first to recognize the slight controversy in choosing what to put on the jerseys. There are several different schools of thought, as seen in the comments of this article and this blog post. Both were written several years ago, and even though people still comment on the wording, I guess the proper noun argument won. I still think a full translation is worth thinking about. As both posts say, it works for baseball.

Happy Birthday Chicago!

The city of Chicago was incoporated 174 years ago today. According to the Huffington Post, Chicago has mastered these 6 things since then:

Food (hot dogs, pizza)
Loyalty (sports, political figures)
Skyline (designed to be the best)
Being Secretly Awesome (Newsweek: Chicago is America's Hottest City)
Political Intrigue (Obama, Daley, Rahm)
Digging Out (snow, recession, corruption)

Also, Chicagoist posted this list of items it would give to Chicago, were money no object.

I celebrated by making myself breakfast, reading a book I got from the library featuring short stories and essays by Chicagoans, and heading off to work for the night. Maybe tomorrow I'll make a cake.

Self Care Short List

As my acupuncture days wind to an end (insurance only covers so much!), I've been trying harder to incorporate my own version of extended meditation/reflection along with muscle relaxion into my everyday life. I feel like I write about these activities a lot--reading, writing, redecorating my room, etc, but when I can't take the Ashland bus north for half an hour and lay under a heat lamp with needles tingling in my back, I can still (and absolutely should for my mental health) put on some quiet music and just sit, put on loud music and jam, stretch, focus on my breathing, or light a candle and contemplate the world.

Here's a short list of my most recent self care outlets, in all varieties:

Books! like Keeping the Feast by Paula Butturini, which appeals to me largely because it's set in Rome, but also because of the intense and lengthy discussions about why food, simple and real, is a necessity to survive and succeed in this world. As far as I'm concerned, anyone's story of how Rome fits in their life is worth a read...and this one has had me gripped, even during my distracting bus ride to acupuncture!

Music! by Andrew Bird, Gold Motel, Bela Fleck, KaiserCartel, Usher, Iron & Wine, Guster and as always, Dave Matthews is great when I need some noise in the background for journaling, falling asleep, or rearranging my bedroom. Most of these artists have free tracks available at daytrotter.com, a recording studio that features sessions by all sorts of artists.

TV Shows! like Glee, NBC Thursday Night Comedy, Jersey Shore, and (a new soon-to-be-favorite?) The Chicago Code all help out when I need to veg for a bit. Mostly they're for the laughs, but that last one (though I've only currently seen the pilot), is kind of a thinker. It's fast-paced and shows a Chicago I'm learning more and more about. At any rate, I had fun trying to figure out where all the scenes were shot in relation to where I live.

Finally, with the weather slowly but surely getting better (read: not so gray, above freezing), I find myself actually wanting to spend time outside. Then, when the Mercy bubble grows too small and I need to get out or go crazy, I'm not in danger of frostbite.

scatterbrain

The weather can't decide what it's doing, and apparently neither can I. I've been wandering around my apartment for the past hour, starting a load of laundry, making one of my roommates braid my hair, eating trail mix, and posting insightful quotes on the bulleting board in my room. And now giving short updates on my last week:

Children and parents in my apartment this weekend = waking up earlier than usual, getting fed an awesome meal, embracing my inner child.

I also attempted running this weekend. And by running, I mean jog-wheezing for two miles. The most important part was that I got outside before it started to snow in Chicago again. Or rain. Or both at the same time, which was the case on Sunday.

A happy mistake gave me Sunday off this week, such a rare luxury, but I felt very out of my element the entire day. I got to check out Soul City Church, which is just across the street from us. It's a great space and seemed like a young crowd (they've only been in the building for several months). I liked the message juxtaposing Chicago's homeless, underprivileged, and under-served with it's awesome accomplishments, architecture, and rich cultural background. It's funny (not funny-ha ha) how such things coexist without many questioning it.

Back to work on Monday, my staff team met to revise the handbook each youth is supposed to get. Five hours later, I felt like I had spent the day in the Writing Center. It was not an awful feeling. I also loved having a day shift and being home before dark. I ate dinner, read the newspaper, and watched Anderson Cooper 360 like a real person.

Civic Duties Rule! I voted yesterday in the mayoral election. Chicago had no Republican candidates, so this was the real thing, not a primary. It would have gone to a runoff between the top two candidates had Rahm not claimed a clear majority with 55% of the vote, but alas, I won't be voting for mayor again this year.

Today was blood drive day at Mercy Home. The MercyWorkers showed up in full force, aka 57% of us donated throughout the day. I also made the mistake of wearing heels to work today, which for some reason made one of my guys ask if I was getting married. I went with it.

And I heard/read today that Wal-Mart is moving to my neighborhood. WHA? I'm not sure yet if it's good or bad.

Up next: acupuncture and spiritual direction tomorrow, along with supply shopping for the house so we can do more laundry and brush our teeth.

GTL

Today was a day for miracles. Most Thursdays are around here, though. First, Britney and I took one of our cars in for servicing, and it came back cleaned! We actually didn't recognize it when the guy pulled up. He literally had to tell us it was our car.

The next miracle came in an email telling us we each had items to pick up at the library. This was only miraculous because we both had time to go today and actually wanted to go...I requested my item back in October, which makes the Chicago Public Library interlibrary loan system hugely underwhelming and not miraculous at all, really. We'll still count it.

With those errands out of the way, we were free to clean out both fridges in our apartment. I haven't really been eating from either one lately due to the mysterious smells coming from them. Now the shelves are so clean, you almost don't see them. The best part was cleaning with the windows open for a fresh breeze. Success!

Because our simple living challenge this week is to not use the cars, Shannon and I spent time this afternoon getting groceries and schlepping them the several blocks back to our apartment from Dominick's. Then Britney and I cooked tacos and were surprised by another miracle: Shamrock Shakes! In February! Okay, so maybe we gave Pat less-than-subtle hints about our craving them, but still, the shakes were an awesome appetizer for family dinner.

Really, the night can only get better. I'll be entering food coma status shortly, then before you know it, it'll be Shore Time.

Dizzy

I sometimes wonder what it felt like
to see the Earth from space
for the first time in history.
When the moon, rockets, and astronauts
were still novelty and science fiction.
Before outer space became textbook.
Seeing ourselves took on a whole new meaning,
a dizzy meaning.
I want the world to be big again.
I want to feel awed by immensity.
I want to forget what we've discovered,
then find it again for the first time,
untouched and unassuming and unconnotated.

What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork. -Pearl Bailey

Update on offensive Groupon commercial here.

Back to work today meant having to catch up on over a week's worth of events in Daley Home. It took me a bit to reorient myself; I feel as though I've been gone from work for a month based on how much has happened this past week. The guys stayed pretty occupied with basketball games through Hoops to Homework, Mercy's internal basketball league, and IIAA, an inter-organizational youth basketball league, so I had some time to myself throughout the day for paperwork (lucky me).

photos and liberation

New photos from retreat are up, find them on the "Photos" page!

Now that we've started listening to NPR, Mercy Home has stopped feeling like so much of a bubble. And today I just want to have an Egyptian celebration!

Missing College-y Things? Weird.

Here are some of the social justice/human interest resources we shared with each other over retreat. Or rather, these are two things I learned about (the book) and promoted (the website) during retreat. If you are in any way remotely interested in the prospect of world peace, a better planet, or fair and equal treatment for every human being, you should check these out.


The Impossible Will Take a Little While: A Citizen's Guide to Hope in a Time of Fear - edited by Paul Rogat Loeb, this collection of essays give examples of what keeps people going in rough times. My favorite essay, "Jesus and Alinsky," by Walter Wink is about the use of irony to reveal corruption and gives a reinterpretation of the message to "turn the other cheek"--one that isn't about acting like a doormat to be walked over.

ted.com - I'm personally addicted to this website and it's delightful talks. It's not social justice-y per se, but instead includes talks on a myriad of topics that tend to touch on something in the social realm.

greencitymarket.org - a year round farmer's market! Yay for LOCAL food. Organic food is usually a good bet as well, but local is more than likely fairly organic already and leaves far less of a carbon footprint if you consider the energy it takes to ship organic produce around the world.

We also each brought an article about an issue that speaks to us. We had articles ranging from homelessness/housing issues to childhood prostitution/sex trafficking to the food movement to the treatment of immigrants to....well, you get the idea.

Add to that our recent trend of listening to NPR, and you've got my head full of current events and thinking about the world much like I did back in Sr. Sally Ann's Povery & Social Justice class last year. I liked that season of my life. This feels good.

If You Want Peace, Work For Justice...

I'm so glad for a few days off after a retreat to just let things simmer and to slowly make my way back into a work rhythm.

The MercyWorks Winter Retreat focused on spirituality and social justice, two of our five core values. We had it at the La Salle Manor in Plano, IL, a huge lodge that made it feel like we were meeting in the middle of a giant tree. It was the perfect time to get away from the city after being stuck in all the snow for most of last week.

We started off the retreat by having our own little Super Bowl party. We have no true Steelers fans among us, only spiteful ones, so it was a fun game to watch even on the tiny screen we had. Our favorite commercials were the Volkswagen one with Darth Vader and the Reply All Bridgestone one. I noticed that many commercials were violent, though, it didn't matter what they were selling. Violent and apocalyptic, which says a lot about the times we are living in. And I was totally appalled at the Groupon commercial reducing the Tibetan people to their fish curry. We MercyWorkers are probably one of the more sensitive groups when it comes to the exploitation of the underprivileged or suffering, so all of our jaws dropped at this one.

our pathetic little tv...at least the picture was good!

I could go on about playing on stereotypes for a quick laugh and then tie that in to several things we discussed during our retreat, but instead I'll just let you assume that we created a smooth transition from football to fighting for change. We like to start retreats by sinking our fears and floating our hopes--dropping stones into a bowl of water and placing flowers to float on top--and this is an awesome way to center and focus on what you want to get out of retreat. I sunk cynicism, since that's usually what stops me from caring/doing something about social justice, and I floated floating--I've been having troubles sleeping lately, so I just wanted to go into retreat with a sense of peaceful mindlessness. Floating would be my hopeful optimism for real change in the world.

I'll quickly outline the next three days of retreat and go into more depth in future posts. Each day had two or three sessions focusing on creating action plans for social change, discussing social justice issues closest to our own hearts, creating intention posters for our overnight prayer vigil, and connecting our own spiritualities to social justice. The night of the prayer vigil was also the silent part of the retreat, no talking for twelve hours. I found that night both the most difficult and the most rewarding, which I guess shouldn't be surprising. Another night we spent enjoying each other's company by playing silly games. I think I grew closer to more than a few of my community members this week.

Almost time for acupuncture...I'll be back on here later to post pictures and write more.

For the First Time in My Life, a Snow Day Means MORE Work.

I'm real disappointed meteorologists don't name winter storms. Assuming this is the first one of the year, it could have been Blizzard Annie or Winter Storm Alexander. I mean, a storm big enough to make Chicago public schools call off for the first time in a decade deserves a cooler name than Winter Storm of 2011, right?

The Mercy Home blizzard experience had its ups and downs. Most youth got sent home early from school yesterday and they were pretty hyper, but then the power went out and they got strangely quiet. To keep some sort of order, we substituted quiet time for their usual study time and most used it to take a two hour nap. With no power and the kitchens closed until at least Thursday, we had pizza delivered for dinner.

Luckily the power came back before it got too cold inside and instead we focused our energies on making fun of all the cars getting stuck in the snow drifts forming in the parking lot.

The real snowing and blowing came overnight, and by the time I had to be up and back to work at seven this morning, the drifts covered cars and left nearly all the roads nearly unnavigable. All the guys had snow days today, and so did non-direct youth care staff at Mercy. So it's just been the youth care workers here since yesterday afternoon, and many spent the night either in our guest rooms or in the other staff apartment on campus. It was a fun sleepover for some, though a little weird.

A lot of guys spent the day today helping to shovel out cars that were stuck overnight, and those who didn't brave the outdoors went to activities throughout the day: hip hop dance, basketball, musical instruments, movies, board games, cookie decorating, and video games. I also got a few to make their beds, clean their rooms, and do some laundry.

Speaking of which, now that I finally have some time off, I should do laundry. Too bad I have to help shovel out our four cars, all nearly buried. Blech.

At least we can see the Sears Tower again!

People have been walking down the middle of the streets since sidewalks aren't shoveled.

GIANT drifts

On the Road Again

Most of our Community Nights from here on out have been dictated for us by the powers that be: speakers, forums, special events, and road maps will fill up our Wednesdays for a while. This week we had Road Maps, which basically means three community  members got up and told us their life story, in any way they wanted. The first three set the bar high, including visuals and interactive sections and honestly, vulnerably revealing themselves.

I don't want to say I'm nervous for my Road Map (which doesn't come until mid-March), but I am definitely unsure of how to format it. Should I write it all down, word for word, or just give myself general talking points? Should I use pictures? Actual road maps? I think what makes these nights special is that we were all given the same task, to tell our story, but each one will be completely different. Not just the substance of the stories, but the way in which we tell them. Really, that's half the story, right?

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In other road map news, I spent yesterday traveling to Madison and Beloit for MercyWorks recruitment and sibling reunion. After dropping off Liz at the UW for a career fair, I drove to Edgewood to talk with a campus ministry representative about volunteering and to get lunch with Bailey and Quinn, compliments of Quinn. You know you're out of college, but not too out of college, when the outfits (sweats) and flexible time seem strange, but vaguely familiar.

After Madison, Liz and I drove to Beloit to have dinner with several students interested in social work and/or volunteering. We talked about Mercy Home, MercyWorks, and what it's like living in community and then they had the chance to ask us questions. One of the guys asked me what a normal day looked like. I didn't quite have an answer--I know what a normal day should look like, but I'm not sure if one has ever happened.

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Today I have a check-in with Liz and Katie and then it's back to work. Having a Friday as my Monday can be super weird sometimes.

The Oldest Rivalry?

Britney taped the cover of last week's RedEye to my door before the game this weekend:

Then I took the liberty of editing today's cover to tape on her door:

This rivalry is awesome.

Brief Moments of Adult Behavior

I did adult-type things both Friday and Saturday night this past weekend. So weird.

Friday a bunch of us went to Howl at the Moon, a dueling piano bar downtown. Stephanie had won a party there which included a free buffet and discount drinks, so we came hungry. Since our simple living challenge this week is vegetarianism, we had to skip the chicken and steak in our burritos and stick with rice and peppers. Then the music started.

The dueling pianos don't so much duel as they collaborate. They took requests for practically any song or artist, then they'd rotate instruments as needed: two on pianos or one on piano and one on the drum set--until more band members joined them. Every member of the band played nearly every instrument available: piano, drums, guitar, trumpet. And their songs ranged from Billy Joel to the Backstreet Boys to the Beatles to Britney Spears. Seriously, though, they knew tons of songs. We even got them to do Justin Bieber.

Saturday's grown up activity was attending Funk It Up About Nothin' at the Chicago Shakespeare Theater on Navy Pier. Before you start assuming things, let me tell you this play was a hip hop adaptation of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing and a brilliant one at that. Becca and I spent most of the play laughing our pants off. Anyone interested in Shakespeare, hip hop, English major-y things, music, or the arts in general should definitely check this out. The Q Brothers have really struck gold with this.

Besides these two events, other mature things I did this weekend include watching several TED talks about consumption and ecoactivism, as well as reading Imperfect Birds by Anne Lamott, cleaning our bathroom, and watching the NFC Championship game at work. That last one maybe isn't "grown up," but when you work with teenage boys, it kind of comes with the territory.

Shedd & Chapel

This week's edition of The Thursday Adventures of the Misfits & Bandits takes place first at the Shedd Aquarium. Here's what I learned there:

• Fish are disgusting.
• As disgusting as fish are, I still wanted to stand and gawk at them for over an hour.
• Aquariums don't seem as mean/confining as zoos, even though they are far more constricting if you consider the size of oceans versus the jungle.
• Free Day at the Shedd is worth every penny.

After that, Kevin, Shannon, Kate, and I had the chance to eat dinner with six Sisters of Charity. These women were a hoot, let me tell you. From stories of children they've worked with as teachers and residential care providers to re-tellings of their days around the city, they had lots to talk about. They also had lots of questions for us. 

One of them was celebrating her 78th birthday that night, so besides the dinner meal of roast beef and mashed potatoes, we also got cake. Sister Suzanne's cake request: chocolate cake with whipped cream. It was quite tasty. Plus she kept passing around a box of chocolates for us to eat.

After dinner we joined them for vespers, their evening prayer, in the small chapel. Then we helped with dishes and cleaning the kitchen and all sat in their living room where they continued to tell us stories. I wish I had a notebook with me that night so I could remember more of them. As we left they each gave us hugs, told us to visit again, and said to bring the rest of our roommates the next time. What might be more fun, though, is having them over to our apartment for dinner. 

Things that Make Me Want to Clean: Meditation

This week at acupuncture, Kirk jazzed it up. He did the usual needle and meditation music bit, then added a little electricity to the needles in my neck. It felt like a small tapping at the base of my skull. He also asked if I had been using the meditation CD he gave me. I fibbed a little by saying I had meditated a few times over the week. I really did try several times, but I don't think I succeeded in any of those tries.

Kirk's big thing was consistency over length. He said he'd rather me try ten minutes a day than thirty minutes three times a week. He must have guessed my meditations weren't quite as fruitful as one would hope. Mostly they look like this:

Turn music on. Take a deep breath. Sit on bed. Close eyes. Think positive thoughts. Breathe. Wonder what I'm supposed to be thinking about. Try to remember/invent a mantra to repeat. I am the divinity who resides in me? Not ready for that kind of intensity. Think of quippy titles for the blog post about failed meditation. Compose rough draft of blog post about failed meditation. Deep breath. Try to listen to the music/white noise. Check iPod. Only three minutes in.

This goes on for maybe ten minutes, then I'll usually start reading or cleaning my room, headphones still in. If I'm listening to the music I'm still sort of meditating, right? Plus I have things that need to get done and roommates demanding attention. I'll keep you posted if I ever reach Nirvana.

Boys Will Be Boys

It's a pretty good day to be a Packer fan. Also a good day for hair supporters (see here and here). While we're at it, let's make it a good day for teams not represented by a bird. (If the trend continues, the Seahawks don't really stand a chance...and now that I think about it, maybe not the Jets either?)

Before I could veg out and watch football all afternoon, though, I had to work my Saturday shift. Usually an easy couple of hours before all my guys are out of program (I make sure they wake up and try to convince them to eat something other than Pop Tarts for breakfast before I send them on their way home or to work), today I had to stay for a full shift. A full shift with no structure (read: trying to entertain a teenager for eight hours).

Luckily the guy who was in program today had things to do, so we weren't just playing video games all day, but the three hours in the gym were probably a bit excessive. I can't even begin to explain their obsession with the gym, except to say I wish they loved showering even half as much as they love gym time. Maybe then we wouldn't need an air freshener in every outlet.

Misfits & Bandits Strike Again

Out of my 13 roommates, 5 of them have Thursdays off with me. Six MercyWorkers is always a good time, and Thursdays have pretty much become my favorite day of the week. Whether it's cooking family dinners, watching TV, exploring Chicago, or just doing hoodrat things around the apartment, we always seem to entertain ourselves (and anyone else in the vicinity).

Yesterday, Kevin, Britney, and I, three of the Misfits & Bandits (all fun groups need a nickname), took a walk downtown to the Chicago Cultural Center, one of the most beautiful and confusing buildings in the city. The center always has something going on: free music or theater, art exhibits, lectures--and the architecture of the building is magnificent.

We were going to see a special exhibit, Finding Vivian Maier: Chicago Street Photographer, which featured photos never before released to the public. We also stood in awe at the stained glass domes, one of them done by Tiffany.

After a long and cold walk back to our apartment, Kevin and I made chili, a considerable feat taking into account our lack of chili ingredients. Kevin is a kitchen master, though, so we weren't really surprised when in turned out amazing.

We capped off the night by watching Shutter Island, a movie I consider comparable, though overall superior, to Inception. Another successful Thursday.

Putting the Punk Back into Acupuncture

On a stretch of Ashland north of Belmont (Nobel?), in between a bank and a row of herbal healers and acupuncturists, sits a renovated house where my very own acupuncturist has his practice. That's right, readers: I have an acupuncturist, Kirk. My MD, Dr. Lee, gave me a referral after I saw him for back pain and headaches last week. (How about that, my Western medicine-prescribing doctor is Asian American and my ancient-Chinese-medicine-practicing healer is European American.)

Today was my first visit. Kirk started by tapping tiny needles into my back and neck. Then he left me alone for about twenty minutes with a heat lamp over my lower back. I felt a bit weird and wondered what I looked like. Through the hole in the head cushion, my eyes made pictures out of the shading in the blue carpet. At about the time the saltshaker morphed into a raccoon, I relaxed. Several minutes later, Kirk came back to pull out the needles.

He had me flip over and put new needles in my ankles, hands, the insides of my elbows, and the outsides of my ears. These were supposed to help my circulation, which would improve a multitude of things. Again, he left me there about twenty minutes and my eyes made pictures out of the pattern in the ceiling tiles. Russian woman praying. Fireworks. Dandelion. Then he was back again to pull out the needles. And that was it.

I don't feel a lot different yet, but these things take time. I have another appointment next week, plus a meditation CD Kirk gave me to help quiet my inner chatter. Along with the Western medicine, it's been a significantly more relaxed week for me in the West Loop.

What.

The moss green wall of the computer room at work features an obnoxious, impossible-to-miss mural, but up until recently I never sat and really looked at it. It's basically a painting of people and things smooshed together with no apparent meaning. From what I've heard, some lady painted it a while ago with inspiration from the guys living in Daley Home then; the guys in program now never comment on it. Last night at work, while three of the guys sat doing homework, I monitored them and took some time trying to interpret this incomprehensible mural.

The first thing that gets me is the gray-faced Asian lady at the top. She appears to be sitting on the red car below her, your standard red sedan only with an eye peering out from it. Also, it's balanced on a deformed globe, which in turn is balanced on a black sedan. That's weird enough. Add to that the eye's mate, sitting between the face of a lion and a brown shoe near the bottom. Off to the left, the shoe's mate hides behind a Notre Dame quarterback ready to throw a football through a hole in a giant dollar bill. A green/yellow face looks out further to the left. On the opposite side, a gorilla throws another football. The other three figures in the mural resemble a Salvador Dali or Edvard Munch painting--faces and bodies melting into the surrounding blocks of color.

Strange, right? None of these things fit together. Maybe that's why the whole thing is outlined in red: to hold them together and force them to gel. I would have sat to contemplate this mural further, but would you know it, one of the guys was using Napster to listen to Lil Wayne instead of to research techno music for a report.

Escape to Garfield Park

With very little snow on the ground but ever-dropping temperatures, the tropical oasis of the Garfield Park Conservatory felt great last Thursday. Located in Chicago's "up and coming" neighborhood of Garfield Park, the conservatory is only a short drive from my apartment and has been on my roommates' and my to do lists for some time now. It's totally free, and features several rooms filled with palm trees, ferns, cacti, and special seasonal flowers.

Fern Room

Their Holiday Flower show is over now, to be replaced with the Spring show, but we did get to see the room filled with evergreens and poinsettias. My favorite was either the Desert House or the Fern Room.

Desert House

Walking around what is essentially a giant greenhouse felt like an escape from reality--from the smell of dirt to the sound of waterfalls, it was hard to believe that traffic and skyscrapers were right outside. Fun trivia about the Garfield Park Conservatory: The Dilemma, which is set in Chicago, includes scenes filmed here. (See seconds .59-1.09 in the trailer.)

Possible Back-up Career?

When I'm not volunteering full time, I enjoy spending my time volunteering. No, really. Well, only if my roommates come with. Last Wednesday we spend our Community Night packaging emergency food boxes for Cook County at the Greater Chicago Food Depository (a giant warehouse south of Chicago...honestly, several football fields would fit inside).

The way they do these emergency boxes is a la I Love Lucy, aka rapidly moving conveyor belt. Each person has a specific product to place in a specific spot in the box. Then it gets labeled, weighed, taped, placed on pallets, and loaded into the warehouse until an emergency (fire, flood, etc). The boxes we packaged could feed a family of five for a minimum of 3-4 days.

Since my job was to take the boxes off the line and stack them on the pallets, I could watch pretty much the entire line in motion: my roommates and the other volunteers putting their products in, the boxes making their way around the corner where more of my roommates manned the scale and tape machine, then the pallet area where I stood. It was all so efficient--our goal was to pack 1,000 boxes, or 25 pallets, but we finished a total of 1,179 boxes in the two hours we worked.

During the break we got halfway through, I joked with my roommates that it would be fun if we actually had factory jobs. We could joke around and play cards during breaks, we'd all be buff from heavy lifting...they didn't feel the same way, but I still think it would be nice every now and then to not have to think so much on the job.

Enduring Art

This past Tuesday I got the chance to tour Chicago's Fine Arts Building on Michigan Ave along with one of the guys in program and our program therapist. It's a huge building 125 years old where many artsy types have their studios. Frank Lloyd Wright once had a studio there, as well as the illustrator for The Wizard of Oz book series. Today it's home to visual artists, musicians, art and movement therapists, massage therapists, violin and piano restorers, dance instructors, a leathermaker, and a software designer, among others.

We waited on the first floor for the elevator to come down. The call button for the elevator was actually a buzzer because an old man is the operator for it. He goes up and down the ten floors all day, listening for the buzzes from above and below. We got on and asked for the sixth floor. Off we went and with a lurch and a bouncing stop, we were there.

Each studio looks different from the others: some are tiny little rooms with just one window facing out opposite the door, others have skylights and lofts. We also saw a ballroom set up for a concert with a stunning view of Lake Michigan out its broad windows.

During this mini-tour, our therapist asked the lady showing us around if rent was crazy high due to the age of the building and awesome location. Her answer was that it was really reasonable taking those things into consideration...but I'm still curious as to what "reasonable" is.

Feeling so Fly Like a Cheesehead

I'm assuming you all know I live in Chicago. And that the Packers beat the Bears on Sunday, clinching a spot in the playoffs and boosting their egos along the way. I had to be at work during the game, so that's where I watched it. Britney, a Chicagoan, watched in our living room and (according to Becca) spent most of the game cursing and yelling at Cutler. I tried not to trash talk before or during the game, saving it all for when I got home that night.

What was the best was that in the Chicago Sports section of the Tribune on Monday, there were literally 10 articles about different aspects of the game. I cut out all the pictures and made a photo collage on Britney's bedroom wall. So now when she wakes up she can see Hawk and Wynn taking Cutler to the ground, along with about seven other photos of victorious poses. I also found this video for some extra fun.

Incredi-BULL

Thanks to a very generous donor (or at the very least, a donor who was out of town for New Year's), Britney and I scored tickets to the Bulls-Cavaliers game last Saturday. Several of our roommates were jealous, but hey--Brit and I had to work New Year's Eve night, so we were the only ones home in the morning when these tickets became available.

The United Center is just a short walk from our apartment, so we saved the $20 in parking other people paid (actually cheap for Chicago). The stadium was packed with people and, oddly enough, Beatles and Eagles tribute bands. Our seats were in Row 3, which meant when we waved down by the seats ahead of us, people could see our hands on TV.

What we could see was a whole lot.

We sat right behind the Cavaliers, near one of the hoops. The players looked HUGE, and we could even hear them talking on the court. The Chicago Bulls dance team, called the Lovabulls, performed during TV breaks/timouts and when they weren't doing that, they did little distracting dance moves near the hoop. Then there was Benny the Bull, who would also be annoying if he wasn't so funny. The Jesse White Tumblers performed at halftime; when they came out Brit screamed, "This is the best day ever!" These kids are mad good, and Jesse White was even there with them.

The Bulls also do a promotion along with McDonald's that for every game, if the Bulls win with 100 points or more, everyone gets a free Big Mac. Near the end of the game, when this became a very real possiblilty, you could tell the crowd was no longer cheering for the Bulls to win, but for the Bulls to score 100 points. With about 7 seconds left the Bulls were sure to win with 99 points, but thanks to a foul the Bulls had 2 free throws. When Deng missed the first one, the entire crowd groaned. And when he made his second, people were on their feet. Oh, America.

Ciao, 2010.

Is it really January 1? Because when I look out the windows at work and see grass, clear streets, and robins jumping around in the trees I'm thinking it's April. For real--it rained yesterday so all the snow is gone, and the temps have been in the 40s.

In other strange news, I'm feeling disconnected from work. Or rather, I haven't quite gotten back into a rhythm here. Yesterday was my first back, and most of the guys were gone already for their New Year's weekend passes at home, so I still haven't seen all of them. Program is still in holiday mode and our regular structure doesn't really apply. I'm finding that, like the guys, I love having no structure but at the same time something seems to be missing here!

One thing is for certain: I couldn't ask for better roommates. Their welcome when I got back on Wednesday was amazing. It was also great to see how we reconnected so quickly after the holiday, and I love that we decided to have our own New Year's party in our apartment instead of going out somewhere. I had a wonderful night ringing in the new year by dancing to all of our favorite songs in our living room.

Chicago pics up!

Thanks to wireless and my very own laptop here at home, I could finally upload all of my Chicago pictures! Click on the "Photos" tab next to "Blog" & "About"...ta da! MercyWorks!

MercyWorks blog

A piece I wrote is featured on the MercyWorks blog! Check it out here: http://mercyworks.wordpress.com/

Just Jolly

Our new simple living challenge this week is no complaining. Well, actually, we're supposed to see it as being grateful for what we do have rather than noticing things that are wrong. So even though it's rather chilly in our apartment, I'm not complaining of being cold...I'm enjoying sweaters and blankets and the fact that I have a place to live!

Last week's challege, thanks to yours truly, was to follow Michael Pollan's Food Rules. It was a challenge when there were candies sitting on our counter, or when I just wanted a box of mac & cheese, but I've been trying to get closer to that simple form of eating for some time now. (Actually, I've tried to hold true to some form of it ever since arriving back in America after studying abroad. Romans eat SO simply, and SO grandly at the same time.)

I believe that both of these challeges get at the heart of this season as well--recognizing the blessings we have, putting a positive spin on things, celebrating the stripped down basics of life. It's been good to have these thoughts in my head while at work this week as well, especially since some of the guys don't get too excited about holidays. A lot of them feel lost during this season and they need reminders of the things they can be happy about, reminders that they really are appreciated as individuals.

As for me, I'm getting excited to be back in central Wisconsin for about a week of vacation. I plan on taking full advantage of living with Mom and Dad for the week...dinner off the grill, wireless internet, fireplace...oh, and of course enjoying their company. :) I'm also stoked to see Quinn, who has been calling/texting in abundance lately (I think he misses his older, wiser sisters), not to mention I can't wait for Bailey to get back to America! Without overwhelming her (I remember what being back is like...reverse culture shock is a pain), I plan on making her spend all her free time with me.

Drive for Mercy

This week Thursday brought another public event (as a 99.7% privately funded institution, Mercy Home has to make sure it's name gets out a lot), this one at the downtown Mercedes-Benz dealership. A young professionals group, U40 (they're all under the age of 40), put on Drive for Mercy and they needed volunteers, so Britney, Shannon, and I decided to check it out. Our jobs included checking people's coats and selling raffle tickets, and we also got to enjoy the catered food and dancing. For anyone who's never hung out at a car dealership after hours, I highly recommend it. Once we did our jobs, we basically wined and dined alongside $50,000-100,000 cars in the showroom.

On Friday I had the day off, due to a Conceptual Framework training on Wednesday. I spent most of it grocery shopping for our community--14 people need a lot of food. Luckily we have a membership at Restaurant Depot so we can get bulk items (like a gallon of olive oil or a pound of raisins). With that done, Jillian, Megan, and I headed to Bourbonnais, Jillian's hometown, to see her younger brother in an improv comedy show at his high school. He's a funny kid, and reminds me of Quinn. We also got to stop at Jillian's house, putting my roommate house visit count at 3. I'm determined to go to everyone's house sometime in my life...it's so fun to see where everyone is from!

Skating & Pasta...va bene!

On Wednesday, the MercyWorkers had their own Christmas celebration with Fr. Scott. We kicked off Community Night with appetizers and wine, along with a Christmas card photo shoot. (As models we are used to these.) Then we headed to Millennium Park for ice skating. The McCormick Tribune Ice Rink is surrounded by skyscrapers and the Bean, which reflects the skyline and all the lights of the city. After skating around and another photo shoot there, we walked a few blocks to Italian Village, Chicago's oldest Italian restaurant.

We spent most of the night enjoying each other's company (along with traditional and authentic Italian food) and trying to not talk about work (it's hard not to). Our exuberant waiter introduced himself first as George Clooney, but later admitted his name was Andre and that while he was born in Northern Italy, he was raised in Vienna, Austria and spoke more German than Italian. Either way, he continued to fill our glasses and ensure that we were taken care of. It was a super relaxing night.

It's really looking/sounding/tasting like Christmas!

O, Christmas Tree

How many Chicago school kids can say they've seen Mayor Daley in person, or that he's helped to light their Christmas tree? Not many, but the youth of Mercy Home can. This past Tuesday, Chicago's mayor attended Mercy Home's Christmas tree lighting ceremony for the 18th time, his last time as mayor of the city.

Youth from each program told what their program had done for community service in the past year (bake sales, clothing drives, volunteering at book drives and food pantries) and gave Mayor Daley the Book of Service, which outlines the community service Mercy Home youth participate in each year. Then everyone headed outside to light up the tree, sing, and get hot chocolate and cookies.

It's beginning to look/sound/taste a lot like Christmas!

This is How We Do.

Saturdays in program (like earlier today) are fairly quiet. I realize this means nothing to a lot of you, since you have no idea what I mean by quiet, or just how loud it can get here. After several months on the job, allow me to give some more detail as to what I actually do and how a "normal" day looks...just understand that people work here for years without experiencing a "normal" day.

Daley Home now includes seven youth between the ages of 13-17. All of them but one (who is still in eighth grade) attend high schools throughout the Chicagoland area, and thanks to generous donations and scholarships the guys have earned, most attend private schools. This gives them greater support due to smaller class sizes and more college-focused curriculum.

A typical day for me starts at 2, when I walk downstairs to the time clock, then down the hall and over to program. My commute is literally one minute. The guys are all still in school, so I have some time to check my work email and read the communication log to see what has happened in program since I worked last. From 3-5 the guys arrive from school. I say hi and ask how their days went, if they have lots of homework, what's new and exciting in their lives. Like the teenagers they are, they answer quickly and give few details. Some of the guys will start their homework early (or we ask them to if they are struggling in classes), but most will grab something to eat first. Those waiting to do their homework during structured study time spend pre-dinner hanging out in the milieu (common gathering area of program), on the computers in the back, napping in their rooms, or down in the gym with staff.

All the guys prep for study time before we head down to the (brand new!) cafeteria for dinner at 5:15. We eat dinner with several other programs and I again ask about the guys' days. Now, with food in front of them, they talk my ear off. "Rach," they say, "do you like to play sports?" "Where did you go to school?" "What was your favorite thing to do in high school?" I guess because staff members know so much about their upbringing and lives in general, they too are curious about us. I also learn lots of new slang words in the cafeteria and I get to see how the guys interact with other youth. Some treat each other like brothers--and it might feel just that way to those who grow up at Mercy Home with each other--while others are more private about any interaction.

Back in program, study time starts. This is where things get a little tough, because it is rare that the guys actually want to study. I spend this hour to hour and a half redirecting them from listening to music or watching youtube videos, goofing around with each other, or in general dragging their heels about getting work done. When we have outside tutors this helps them to focus, otherwise the other staff and myself might sit with one youth to keep him on task and show him that he can finish his homework if he just applies himself. I really do enjoy this time, despite feeling like I'm pulling teeth. I love when they want to show me something they are working on (a paper on alternative energy, a map of Chicago streets, Spanish verb worksheets), knowing that they trust me enough for this.

After study time comes chore time, which for me seems like less fun than homework, but for the guys is less stressful than anything school related. We let them turn the stereo on loud and goof around a little, provided they aren't horseplaying and are actually getting their chore done. The chore rotation gives them practice at cleaning a little of everything--from vacuuming and dusting to sweeping and mopping. It's good for the guys to have some responsibility for keeping their living space orderly.

Once chores are done, the guys have free time for the rest of the night. Some will continue homework while others beg us to take them to the gym. Some go for walks or down the block to the 7-11 for a snack. They watch TV or play video games, use the phone to talk to their parents, and hang out with staff. Typical teenager stuff. A few might have an early bedtime as a behavior consequence, otherwise they are still up when I leave at around 10.

Then I make the short walk back to my apartment--all without leaving the building. Most of the guys know I live on campus, which can be funny since they sometimes think I am in program like they are, with study and chore time as well. My roommates get home around the time I do and we spend the next several hours debriefing and processing our hectic days over a hodgepodge of food. On paper things go smoothly, with schedules and structure, but in reality we work with teenagers so something is always coming up to throw things off or disrupt the flow of the day: youth not coming back from school, detentions, doctor appointments, or special events at school can effect the entire night.

Hopefully this leaves you a little less confused about what I'm actually doing down here. As a residential facility providing educational and career resources as well as therapeutic treatment and basic structure, Mercy Home does a little bit of everything (even housing 14 crazy post-grads who have snowball fights in the parking lot...).

Prairie State of Mind

Happy birthday Illinois!

It became the 21st state on December 3, 1818. Read more about it here.

I'm not all bad; I'm a faithful sinner

Yesterday was Rachel Day. With snow finally falling, I set out with Dave Matthews playing on my iPod and a head full of thoughts. I've never had so many events to keep straight between work and community, and the multiple sheets of scrap paper notes covering my desk made it clear: I needed a planner. I hoofed it all the way to Target. It was cold and windy, but the time alone allowed me to breathe and think after the Thanksgiving rush and the funky sleep schedules it left in its wake.

With that done, it was time for my very first spiritual direction. Through MercyWorks, we volunteers have the chance to meet with a spiritual and/or professional mentor. I already had an informational interview with a professional development mentor a few weeks ago (she writes a whole bunch for Mercy Home), so I was excited to also have a spiritual director.

Spiritual direction has a super long history that I'll leave to you to research, but a better name for it would be spiritual conversation. Because mostly, we just talked. She asked me how I found out about Mercy Home and about my background and every now and then she would repeat what I had said and ask a clarifying question about it, or rephrase it, or somehow help me make sense of what I was saying. It was a little scary how good she was at sorting out my thoughts.

I left remembering why I came here in the first place: to do direct service. After 16+ years of school--study, theory, reflection, reading and writing--I wanted action. I chose a year of service because I specifically did not want more school (yet), I wanted practice, experience, and to dig myself into the world I'd spent so long learning about. When I took that risk (considering my comfort with theory and my discomfort with practice), I got frustrated that my spirituality felt weird. My mind and body made the leap from theory (school) to practice (full-time job), but my spirit, my faith, failed to make the switch. Of course I feel a disconnect between what I've been doing these past 3 months and my relation to God.

Because I'm no longer reading and writing as much as I used to, but instead interacting with coworkers and the guys at Mercy, I need to readjust my spirituality as well. My spiritual director called it being a "contemplative in action": recognizing God moments as I work, in the moment. That's not how I operate. I reach epiphanies with alarming delay. Still, I committed to trying it out, practicing the practice. I'll let you know how that works out for me.

(Actually, I got a chance to practice being in the moment as soon as I got home. For our Community Night, we had group yoga, which is all about letting go and focusing on breathing. It felt awesome, but I'm definitely sore today.)