Hired

I dreamed about a job interview.
It went like this:
they suggested I let my hair down,
asked me to join them for a meal.

Before I found out if I got the job,
the interviewers turned into children:
they ate everything on my plate.

Estoy aqui

I've been in Uruguay for just over 12 hours and I've already taken two naps. This country is great.

I hope to see more of the city/Bailey's neighborhood in the next few days. So far, many things remind me of Rome: small streets, red Coca Cola tables and chairs set up outside of food shops, the tiny grocery store, and not understanding much of anything. Bailey's apartment is similar to the one I lived in in Rome as well, right down to the Chinese lantern light covers.

Best of all: I'm wearing a tank top and I'm comfortable!

Spring Fever

Sleep comes naturally,
but isn't restful.
I dream of beaches and bikinis
two, maybe three times in a week.
That last one was probably a daydream.
A tease. It was real a year ago.
I wake up and buy a plane ticket.
I'm getting out of here before the fever bores me to death.

So Feng, So Shui

My room is rearranged and I slept well last night. Either the blueberry muffins did the trick, or it was the fact that I have approximately four possible ways to arrange my room. My waking life seems to be in a better arrangement as well--I credit my extra day off, which allowed a rare midday nap. I wasn't excited to work today, but it turned out to be an all around decent day. Two more work days then I'm headed north to visit the family with Jesus!

Recurring

The lights won't turn on
I can't find the switch
the bulbs are burnt
something is broken
Or maybe my eyes are closed
they won't open
Either way, darkness

And now a cat in the room
mean, predisposed to hate me
It hisses, claws digging
I go under covers
Still the weight of it on me
those claws
more hissing
I throw it off, kick it away
make it worse

sit up wide awake
blankets tangled still darkness
just another dream

Resurrection

If I believe that a human can rise from the dead,
why did it seem like more of an Easter miracle that at 7 in the morning I rose from my bed?

Hydration: My Night in Three Drinks

I wrote most of this in the very early hours of the morning yesterday during my overnight shift...then I revised it during the very early hours of the morning today during an overnight shift. Overnights are weird. I can do a lot of things, but then the sleep deprivation starts to make me a little loony.

I. Cherry Coke: 10 pm - 3 am

Right now I just need a boost of energy. Not that working the overnight requires energy, but I do need to stay awake for the next ten hours. Youth are in bed, almost asleep, and after working a regular shift I'm tired too.

This overnight was a surprise; I turned down two other programs' offers for overnights, unsure if working a double the day before an interview was the best decision, but when upper management calls you to fill in, you say yes. The universe must not want me to sleep tonight. In between room checks I browse the web, text with friends who are still up, and read a funny novel that's been on my to-read list for years.

As soon as the caffeine from this soda hits, I ride it out for the rest of the night. The carbonation fizzes in my mouth and up my nose and I remember I have a dentist appointment in the morning. Oh well. I also have an electric bill due in a few days. Working 18 hours straight seems like an awesome decision when there are no other employment offers on the horizon, even if you have three interviews scheduled that week.

II. Arizona Green Tea with Honey & Ginseng: 3 am - 7 am

It's just me now. Youth are fast asleep and past needing water or bathroom trips. Friends are also asleep, even the night owls. Now are the hours I need to stay awake. More caffeine would just bring jitters, a sugary drink would make my stomach hurt. Arizona has just enough sweetness and minimal fizz. It's a quieter drink for quieter hours.

I finished my book--as expected the plucky heroine gets the reclusive, recovering alcoholic, singer-songwriter. My eyes begin to tire; I can't look at a computer or a book right now. The TV goes on. I start to wonder about elderly women in household cleaner commercials. Do they have husbands and children? Is there a kid out there whose grandma is the Swiffer woman? Watching the news this early reminds me of getting ready for school when I was younger. Mom would watch in her room while she got ready for work. I'd come up to borrow her hair dryer or some lotion, or to crawl into my parents' unmade bed and avoid getting ready for the day.

Now is the dead of night--the absolute dark before the dawn--the time I get super poetic and think of blog posts like this. Drinking iced tea somehow helps my dry eyes and sore body, gross from work. Sweaty teenagers felt the need to hug me, shake my hand, or touch my hair after they had been in the gym. News gets boring. I channel flip until I find a classic sitcom. At this point, I'm just waiting for the sun to rise. That part of the overnight never gets old.

III. Naked Green Machine Fruit Juice: 7 am - 11 am

The boys are up now. They shower, get dressed, iron clothes, and try to sneak in some extra sleep on the couch. Day staff starts arriving. I see them park in the lot, dressed in business casual, coffees in hand. I'm still in my t-shirt and jeans. I eat some fruit and drink this super fruit juice between giving wake up calls and making sure everyone is out of bed.

The human body is not supposed to stay awake for this long, and it's definitely screaming at me for not letting it sleep. I know there are no magic foods, but drinking a fruit juice with tons of vitamins seems to make up for the torture I'm putting myself through. It can't hurt, and at the very least it's damage control.

Once all the boys leave for school, I can peace out. Usually I'd go home, shower, and crash, but today I shower and leave again. I get back on the blue line for my dentist appointment, then head to a nanny interview. I finish my drink on the way. The thing about overnights is it's not just your sleep schedule that gets messed up. Eating helps me stay awake. After ten hours of grazing on trail mix, popcorn, and fruit, this drink feels like a meal.

After the interview I can go home and sleep for several hours. Then it's back here for round two. Someday I will have a normal person schedule and my body won't hate me. Maybe November's my month.

Snuggling in the name of Simple Living

I am living in community this year, but sometimes I feel like I'm cheating since we all get our own rooms. Whenever I don't want to hang out with my roommates, I close my door. Jess caught on to that trend as well, and decided to make a simple living challenge out of it.

So for the past three nights I haven't slept in my own room; we all literally have roommates until this Wednesday. I personally like it, finally having a nighttime-falling-asleep-can't-quite-remember-the-conversation routine before actually drifting off. It's been a while since I've had to give Andrea "nuggets" from my day or since Dad has sat on the stairs, eavesdropping and waiting for Bailey and me to stop talking at night.

I've also noticed that I'm doing less journal writing this week, which isn't the worst thing in the world, since I'm taking more time to connect with my community members. Also, the wood frame where my mattress used to rest is now being used as a catchall for dirty laundry, wet towels, books, and whatever else finds its way into my room. I may have to rethink that use of available furniture in a few days when I move back.

Jumbled

Ew. After two days off to rest up from retreat, I'm now sick and scheduled to work in 40 minutes. Hopefully the Emergen-C/herbal tea I took this morning kicks in soon.

Kate & I carved a Wisconsin pride pumpkin!

Last night my roommates and I carved pumpkins for Community Night. We also did our weekly check-ins, where we tell everyone how we are feeling, if we are struggling with anything, etc. My check-in is usually positive, whether it be that I'm finally understanding my job or that I had a good week exploring Chicago. This week, though, I felt more confused about my feelings.

It started with all the crazy dreams I'd had over retreat and since returning. Stressful, almost hallucinatory dreams involving snakes, broken roller coasters, and people not listening to me. Then I tried rearranging my room, thinking that might help me feel more refreshed, and I ended up boxing my bed in with my dressers and desk. I trapped myself in to a cubicle-thing.

I haven't been to work since last Tuesday and I've been rushing around getting retreat stuff ready, then coming back and unpacking and sorting out things for this week (getting dentist appointments in order, preparing for Ringside this weekend), so it made sense that I'm a little jumbled inside and out.

With some help from my roommates, I moved some of my furniture out into the hallway to clear my room out. I did wake to find it blocking my door (thanks to Britney & Diego), but I also had an epiphany about how to arrange the furniture. Now that area of my life is straightened out and I just have to work on those dreams. I have a feeling getting back to work and into my usual routine will help that.

Things I Should be More Concerned About Than I Am.

1. There are two novels on my required, for class reading list as of now, but instead I'm reading two other non-required, not for class novels.
2. I've been having a really hard time falling asleep at night, hence this post-midnight post despite the fact that I get up at 7:30 every morning.
3. Part of the reason I'm up so late is I decided to make brownies at 11:30.
4. There's an unidentifiable smudge on the pages of the green memoir I'm reading. The memoir that openly discusses eco-friendly bathroom habits.
5. I'm sleeping on my futon tonight because the thought of climbing into my lofted bed pains me.
6. I'm not sure if the title for this post is grammatically correct.

Power Nap

This weekend will be one of my more boring ones (taxes anyone?), so instead of describing it here's a poem I wrote for class a few years ago.

Power Nap

Many experts advise to keep the nap
between 15 and 30 minutes,
as sleeping longer gets you into
deeper stages of sleep, from which
it’s more difficult to awaken.
But I’m not concerned
about the waking up.
It’s the falling asleep I can’t seem to manage.