Sometimes I Even Helped People Write Papers

Tonight I say arrivederci to the Writing Center after our last official business of the year (eating dinner, of course). Why will I miss my job there? Conversations like these:

Kate: Rachel, I just sent a text to your old number. Here's what I got back: "I'm feeling 100% Latina tonight."

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Me (discussing names of characters): Does Jimmy make him sound too young? I just don't think James or Jim sound right.
Matt: Well I was going to go by Jimmy.
Me: You're Matt.
Matt: Yeah, but my middle name is Edward.

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Chris (helping me write a film script): Why doesn't the scroll work on your laptop?
Me: It's finicky, like a woman.
Chris: Oh, so doesn't respond to my touch?

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[After discussing the logistics of our senior portfolios, Matt curls into the fetal position on the floor.]
Me: Are you okay?
Matt: I think I'm just going to die right here.